I am just going to list these as quickly as possible, some of them I am still dealing with and those things I don’t want to go into it very deeply but I will tell you a little bit about them. They will not be in order either.

  • Miscarriage and a false pregnancy. During our first year of marriage I had a miscarriage after getting a false negative pregnancy test. During the second year and almost a year to the date of the miscarriage, I had a false positive pregnancy test. It was almost two months after I found out I was pregnant and got my due date from the doctor when I went for the ultrasound. There was no baby. The hard part was my best friend and my cousin due dates were the same as mine. When they had their babies was the first time I ever hit a low.
  • Finding out that I am Bipolar. Two years ago I hit another low after losing my job. I tried killing myself. Luckily enough I am not that good with a gun. I realized then I needed help so I checked myself in to the hospital. Losing my job was not the reasons for my low, it was a combination of things. Eventually they diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder, which was no surprise because I have a family history of mental illness. However, I will never be like them. I will take my medicine.
  • My parents. First off let me start by saying that my parents are two of my best friends. People often think that my mom and I are sisters but we are only sixteen years apart. They got married when she was fifteen and he was nineteen and have never really been apart since. You never see one without the other. My mother is a kidney transplant patient. She got her first one in 1993 and the last one in 1996. Three years ago they told her she was headed into kidney failure. They gave her about a year to live. However, being the stubborn woman we all love she has proved them wrong on her expiration date. Here lately though she has gotten worse and I see the signs. There will not be another transplant and thanks to fuck up on the hospitals part she can’t take dialysis either. So when its gone, then it’s gone. They day we found out there was nothing they could do, my dad had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized.  I am kind of the family therapist, everyone unloads their thoughts and feelings on me. So it’s hard to here how everyone is dealing and I am having to deal at the same time.
  • This week was hard on me. Mom had a bad infection and it was scary for a while but she is feeling better. I just wished her blood work would get better.
  • Losing my grandfather. My grandparents kept me a lot growing up because mom was in and out of the hospital a lot so they were like parents too. So when my grandfather died, it was like losing a parent as well. We were close and I helped my grandmother take care of him.

These are just the top five I could think of. I could write this post for days and probably never be finished. Plus, I like to keep some privacy as well.

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