Day 20 of 31: Difficult Times in My Life

I am just going to list these as quickly as possible, some of them I am still dealing with and those things I don’t want to go into it very deeply but I will tell you a little bit about them. They will not be in order either.

  • Miscarriage and a false pregnancy. During our first year of marriage I had a miscarriage after getting a false negative pregnancy test. During the second year and almost a year to the date of the miscarriage, I had a false positive pregnancy test. It was almost two months after I found out I was pregnant and got my due date from the doctor when I went for the ultrasound. There was no baby. The hard part was my best friend and my cousin due dates were the same as mine. When they had their babies was the first time I ever hit a low.
  • Finding out that I am Bipolar. Two years ago I hit another low after losing my job. I tried killing myself. Luckily enough I am not that good with a gun. I realized then I needed help so I checked myself in to the hospital. Losing my job was not the reasons for my low, it was a combination of things. Eventually they diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder, which was no surprise because I have a family history of mental illness. However, I will never be like them. I will take my medicine.
  • My parents. First off let me start by saying that my parents are two of my best friends. People often think that my mom and I are sisters but we are only sixteen years apart. They got married when she was fifteen and he was nineteen and have never really been apart since. You never see one without the other. My mother is a kidney transplant patient. She got her first one in 1993 and the last one in 1996. Three years ago they told her she was headed into kidney failure. They gave her about a year to live. However, being the stubborn woman we all love she has proved them wrong on her expiration date. Here lately though she has gotten worse and I see the signs. There will not be another transplant and thanks to fuck up on the hospitals part she can’t take dialysis either. So when its gone, then it’s gone. They day we found out there was nothing they could do, my dad had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized.  I am kind of the family therapist, everyone unloads their thoughts and feelings on me. So it’s hard to here how everyone is dealing and I am having to deal at the same time.
  • This week was hard on me. Mom had a bad infection and it was scary for a while but she is feeling better. I just wished her blood work would get better.
  • Losing my grandfather. My grandparents kept me a lot growing up because mom was in and out of the hospital a lot so they were like parents too. So when my grandfather died, it was like losing a parent as well. We were close and I helped my grandmother take care of him.

These are just the top five I could think of. I could write this post for days and probably never be finished. Plus, I like to keep some privacy as well.

Day 19 of 31: What I Collect

Mostly I collect dust. Sorry I had to make that joke, but right now I am trying to talk myself out of housework and I am winning. I tend to be a little of a hoarder, but I am getting better. I have narrowed my collections down to three things. First one is Owls, I love owls. I made that comment one time and the next thing I knew everyone was giving me anything with Owls on it so I have a shitload of them. The second thing I collect is books. I have a kindle but I can’t pass up the smells of actual books and holding them in my hands while reading them. My husband claims if our home ever caught fire it would burn for weeks because of all of the books. Finally the last one I have been collecting for years is shot glasses. I have been collecting them since I was in high school. Before my husband became disabled he was an over the road truck driver for years and he brought me shot glasses home from truck stops in all the states and other places he’s been. Friends of mine who traveled out of the country always brings me shot glasses from the places they go. I have collected well over a hundred over the years. These are the three things I collect. My husband would tell you I have a weird addiction to collecting notebooks and ink pens. What can I say? I like to write.

Day 18 of 31: Meaning Behind My Blog Name

My Revolution 2017 has a big meaning for me. I decided to take my life a lot more seriously. On January 1st I created this blog because I wanted to share my journey of trying to reach my goals and dreams. I need to make a difference in my life. It’s been so hard and I haven’t done so well, but this is something I have to keep trying to do otherwise I am not going to be around much longer and I would like to grow older with my husband. So documenting my screw ups on here as well as my success keeps me motivated. This is my revolution against myself. Either I win or I lose, but I am going to fight.

Day 17 of 31: Most Proud Moment

The day I married my husband. I am most proud of this moment because that was the day I married my best friend and my soulmate. We have been together for eighteen years and have had a lot of rough times. There were times when we didn’t think we would make it through. Miscarriages then infertility, mental illness, disability, and so many other things. I know out of all the things I have done wrong or the things that have happened to me, that I made one right decision in my life and that was marrying Kevin.FB_20131123_14_58_52_Saved_Picture

Day 16 of 31: Top of My Bucket List

Here is the top five things on my bucket list:

  • Go to Ireland. I have a lot of Irish in my blood according to ancestry DNA tests. However, my love for Ireland started way before that. I have never been and I would love to visit there at least once before I die.
  • Reach my goal weight. It would be nice to be slim once again. I haven’t had a figure since I was sixteen years old.
  • Live a portion of my life without Diabetes. I know this would never be obtainable but it still doesn’t hurt to dream.
  • Write a best selling series. Of course, I have to build up the nerve to send one of my many manuscripts off first. Can’t be published if no one ever gets a chance to see them.
  • Graduate College. Every time I try it seems like life is ready to knock me down. I figure I will get there in time.

Day 15 of 31: An Average Day

I am afraid this post is going to show you how boring I really am. That is unless you have already figured it out. My average day starts out with lots of puppy kisses from Milo. Then Holly Sue whines until I move so she can lay in my spot next to her daddy. Then Dirt gets his attention and they all are made to go outside (if they had their way they would stay in bed all day). I get up and take my meds and insulin shots before figuring out what I want for breakfast. I read, play on the computer or my phone. I call my grandmother, then I get dressed. By that time Kevin is stirring (which is usually around lunch time). We eat and then it varies. If we stay at home it’s house work or television and if he goes to his parents I will usually go to mine. No reason for it, he usually stays busy at his and I try to spend as much time as I can with my mom. Then when we get home its all about the dogs and some television before we go to bed.

Day 14 of 31: If I Won the Lottery

I have thought about this often. I usually don’t play the lottery unless it’s a high jackpot, but it never hurts to dream. I would first make sure my family was taken care of. I would pay off my bills, my parents bills, and my in-law’s bills. I would make sure my grandmother had anything she ever wanted. Then I would invest some of it, but what is most important thing I would do would be give to charitable causes. The main one first would be the Kidney Disease Program in Louisville. When my mom had her fist kidney transplant the insurance company approved the transplant but not the rejection medicine. So until it was worked out their program gave her six months worth of medicine for free. This medicine was worth over a thousand dollars a month. That gesture has always struck a place in my heart. Other ones would be Alzheimer’s research, Diabetes research, St Jude’s, and I would love to start some type of thing locally to help those in need. These are things I would do right off hand, I am sure there is more if I thought more about it for awhile.

Day 13 of 31: My Earliest Memory

My earliest memory is actually kind of funny. I was almost three years old. My parents and I lived in a trailer court. The trailer we rented was old and the plumbing was bad. I mean really bad. One day the toilet backed up into the tub. My mother called the landlord up and cussed them out. My earliest memory was of my eighteen year old mother cussing someone out on the phone. What can I say, I have a colorful family. In case you wondering about the age difference of my mom and I, we are sixteen almost seventeen years apart. She and my dad were married when she was fifteen and he was nineteen. It’s Kentucky what do you expect? LOL